I'm in my 60s now and looking back over 45 relationships since my 20s, the one near certainty was that the beautiful smart college-education fun , good job often higher paying than mine, woman would never ever tell me how she felt , in bed or out. Amazing, eh?
They would say "I love you" after a few weeks or a few months of sleeping , and eating and even living together. But never "I like you" or "I like you but I don't trust you." I always felt these young highly desirable women were telling their girlfriends and sisters and mothers much more than they ever told me! And I can prove it; She was an artist at heart, in love with a super handsome blonde (straight) guy who only wanted monthly visits so he could "meditate"(nut), and worked at a famous hotel front desk.
I would go by after work and ask her how her day was going, what art she was hiding behind the front desk. She was a 10 in my book, ok a 9 and 1/2 for being hung up on a never attainable guy. I brought her a rose once, but really didn't think I had a chance. Then one night she asks me to her tiny apartment after work!.
I envisioned lots of kissing and compliments, of her. Take it slow and gentle. Talking kissing touching. Instead she undressed and laid on the bed.
We had sex. She said "I need to sleep", so I told her she was beautiful, I liked her and her art, and I hoped the sex was ok or good enough. Soo gushy embarrassing! No comment.
I left. As I walked away I felt like I had not told her how special sex was with her, for me, and how I admired and respected her. So , since I am no artist, I went back to the famous luxury hotel and got some stationary and an envelope and wrote my feelings, desires, wishes, dreams, hopes down and even apologized if the sex the first time wasn't good enough. I felt like a fool. But I was smitten by this perception of near perfection.
When I got back to her tiny apartment, I could hear her loudly laughing and telling these other girls every detail about how I was such a terrible lay ! Here I had done 99% of the work, she only undressed, and I was being publically mocked about our intimacy!
How could such a woman be so cruel and closed off?! I left the envelope and letter in the door jam very quietly and left.
I was so hurt, even after 20 relationships. After a week she asked a mutal friend to apologize to me for her.
I have never paid for sex. And never will. Yes, I have had some secret slut one night stands, but that is because those women never told me they were sleeping with anybody. And I do mean anybody. Like a dead cow. What is the point? It seems so sick for women to act this way, but who is going to teach them , if not their mothers and or Oprah!?
The famous SF lawyer. Wow. She could barely wisper "I love you." We swam at night in the Bay at Aquatic Park. What a mind. What a body. What a total failure to talk face to face and with total honesty. I wanted to marry her. But she could not tell me. I had no idea at all what she thought felt about me. Women, you Must tell us! What a regrettable loss. Oh, if I had only said "look, I can't afford you, but I think I love you. How important is my income and my love to you?"
Of all these 40+ women , only two wanted their own orgasm on the first bedding. Amazing.
How can women go for months and years without an orgasm of their own!? Are they doing it alone, secretly and privately? And not telling, not talking with their partner? Or just cold turkey?
For some of these much richer than me, and much better job than me women like lawyers nurses and teachers, how can you live with someone for two years and then at Christmas or New Years PROPOSE and say "I love you, let's get married, after you get a new job that pays over $80k instead of $40-50k. Otherwise, get out."
No discussion, just a surprise ultimatum. Bizarre. Happened 3 times to me.
How can a beautiful grocery checker invite you to "her apt" for dinner and it turns out to be his expensive apartment, her boyfriend's, who "I am going to break up with!" And she really thought we were going to have this delicious meal and all night sex in HIS very expensive apartment she could not afford!? I so wanted her and had tried for months to ask her out. Costco big cheap dozen red roses weekly,,, Why didn't she tell me she had a BF and wanted to break up? She should have more self confidence and self respect. So women live with rich guys for the comfort but don't love them, and we all see this all the time. Especially rich old selfish grumpy men. What a pity. What a compromise.
Why did the stunning short blonde hair dresser in Millbrae and Bgame never tell me how she felt about me, how she wanted me to propose, how she had gotten pregnant and was going to have the baby alone with her mother because I could not read her mind and her heart?. I Definitely would have married her and been true faithful, if I had heard even just one positive word. The sex was great. She was gorgeous. So young. So fit. So fun. But as important as our relationship was to me and obviously to her, she did not want to talk about it! She wanted the guy to propose. I so wish she had told me these desperate secret expectations. Maybe that was the my "the one".
Last year I had 3 lovers come by, after 20 years , to see if I still had magnum good looks.
My brown hair is mostly grey and I weight 250 vs 200 at 6'2".
One nurse who had married an unknown lawyer after our break up and had 4 daughters, lived in a huge fancy 2 story house, divorced the lawyer,,, she only want me listed as a "friend" on her Facebook page. No discussion. No reminiscing. No feelings, no tenderness. In fact she lied and said "it is not like we were ever in love !" Ouch. How do you know it is love, and for both of you?
One left me for a "fat, no neck!!" millionaire engineer, had 2 boys, lived in Paris, our city, and been dumped at 50. She was still drop dead gorgeous, smart as Einstein, but could not even introduce herself "hi, it's Karen. Do you remember me after 20 years? (Her parents were drunks and physically abusive, locking her in a dark closet all day.) Do you have any feelings for me?" She just showed up at my work, looked so sad and heartbroken it killed me, and then she walked away,,, in her signature tight jeans and fancy high heels I use to love and tease her about. Is that, just that, all she wanted to happen!? Why couldn't she just say my name? Why plan for disappointment? Why not at least try to reach out again? I would have hugged her so long. We had lived together for 4 wonderful years way back then.
What a tragic waste !! I only wish you the very best, Karen Valerie Jill Colleen girls-women.
And let's not forget the super rich , all powerful fathers of the stunning divorcees with 2 kids, the blonde therapist in Orinda and the plus size model in Ocean Beach-San Diego. The 2 boys in their cowboy boots always kicking me in the shins; Yeah I know I am not your real biological father!! And then ending an immature marriage after my wife declared it open. So embarassing.
"Hello, I'm her father and there is no way you are marrying my daughter."
The Frisco irish lawyer and some big DC V.P. made their point. It was love for me, no harm, no foul, just could not pay all their bills. So why is it so hard for women to tell him their feelings, wishes and hopes?
I accept that I am average income. But what do women want? They are in the driver's, accepting, seat; Famous Look magazine back page editorial. Look at all the relationship misery out there. Guys shouldn't be blamed for more than 50%. So are women going to relate better,tell more, love better, live better, here in "better off" America?
Hope so.
I don't think they know what they are missing, what with all the bad relationship modeling around.
So many "couples" not holding hands and not smiling. See there. And there.
Talk about an American tragedy! ! I missed so much, with so many. My apologies.
